Dai Wangshu 戴望舒 (1905-1950): What I Said by the Grave of Xiao Hong 蕭紅墓畔口占

                                                         *          *          *

Six hours I’ve walked, a long and lonely road,
To lay beside your head, a bunch of red camellia blows.
Waiting, I’m waiting, the night, oh long, so long, 
And yet you just lie listening, to the humdrum of ocean billows.

走六小時寂寞的長途，
到你頭邊偷放一束紅山茶，
我等待着，長夜漫漫，
你卻卧聽着海濤的閒話。

Translated by Rita Wong & Andrew Wong   譯者:黃潘明珠 黃宏發

22 February 2016 (revised 23.2.16; 24.2.16; 25.2.16; finalized 26.2.16; further revised with
notes added 1.3.16; 3.3.16)

Notes:-

*Form:  The original is a modern Chinese quatrain in free verse with a rhyme scheme of XAXA.  This English rendition faithfully adheres to the form and rhyme scheme.

*Author 戴望舒:  Dai Wangshu (in Chinese pinyin) is a Chinese poet (1905-1950) who lived in Hong Kong between 1938 and 1946 before and during the Japanese Occupation (1941-1945).

*Title 蕭紅墓畔口占:  We have rendered 口占 “versified orally or impromptu” quite literally and, hopefully, more emotively as “what I said”, hence, “What I Said by the Grave of Xiao Hong”.  Xiao Hong (1911-1942) is a Chinese writer (novelist, essayist and poet) who lived in Hong Kong between 1940 and 1942.  Xiao Hong passed away in Hong Kong on 20 January 1942.  Part of her cremated ashes were buried at Repulse Bay, Hong Kong on 25 January; and on 20 November 1942, Dai visited her grave and made this poem.    

*Line 1 走六小時寂寞的長途:  We have rendered 寂寞長途 as “a long and lonely road” rather than the literal “a lonely, long trip”.

*Line 2 到你頭邊放(偷放)一束紅山茶: The poem was first published on 10 September 1944 in the Wah Kiu Yat Pao “Art and Literature Weekly Magazine” Issue #33 with the word偷 (before the word放) which disappeared when the poem was re-published on 22 January 1946 in the Sin Hwa Daily News.  We have not seriously researched into but have simply assumed this was Dai’s own revision.  If needs be, “stealthily” can be added to make “To stealthily lay…”.  We have added, at the end of the line, the word “blows” (meaning “flowers or blossoms”) to create a rhyme for “billows” in line 4, not a perfect rhyme as “blows” is masculine (stressed) while “billows” is feminine (unstressed).

*Line 3 我等待着長夜漫漫:  We have rendered 我等待着 as “Waiting, I’m waiting” after considering “I wait, I’m waiting”, “I wait, and wait”, “I’m waiting, still waiting”, etc.  For 長夜漫漫, we have used the repetition of the “ou” sound and the word “long” to produce the onomatopoeic effect of漫漫 in the original.

*Line 4 你卻卧聽着海濤閒話:  In this context, 閒話 should be taken to mean “a monologue of monotonous, repetitious small talk”, and not “gossips”, ‘complaints”, “rights and wrongs”, “digression” or “deviation”, not even “chit chat”.  We have come to consider “humdrum” the best choice.     

Dai Wangshu 戴望舒 (1905-1950): Lines Completed by Chance 偶成

                                                           *          *          *
If spring in life arrives again,
The old, stale and stagnant waters would thaw, and thaw into streams; 
Thence, I would see again, the beaming smiles,
Hear again, the clear, cheery calls----ah these my distant, distant dreams.

These things bright and beautiful, surely, could never be gone,
Because all things bright and beautiful, do forever exist, survive;
They are, like water turned ice, just frozen,
And someday, like flowering trees, they shall blossom again and thrive.


如果生命的春天重到，
古舊的凝冰都嘩嘩地解凍，
那時我會再看見燦爛的微笑，
再聽見明朗的呼喚——這些迢遙的夢。 

這些好東西都決不會消失，
因為一切好東西都永遠存在，
它們只是像冰一樣凝結，
而有一天會像花一樣重開。

Translated by Rita Wong & Andrew Wong  譯者: 黃潘明珠  黃宏發

22 February 2016 (revised 24.2.16; 25.2.16; finalized 26.2.16; further revised with notes added 27.2.16; 29.2.16; 1.3.16; 3.3.16)
 

Notes:-

*Form:  The original is in free verse with a rhyme scheme of XAXA XBXB; the 8 lines of the poem (in two 4-line stanzas) are of varying length.  This English rendition follows the form and the rhyme scheme.

*Author 戴望舒:   Dai Wangshu (in Chinese pinyin) is a Chinese poet (1905-1950) who lived in Hong Kong between 1938 and 1946 before and during the Japanese Occupation (1941-1945). 

*Title 偶成:  This, which means “accidentally completed”, is rendered as “Lines Completed by Chance” after considering “Fortuitous Lines”, “Lines I Just Happened to Have Written”, “Lines Just Happened to Have Been Written”, “Lines Impromptu”, ”Impromptu” and “Serendipity”.

*Line 1 如果生命的春天重到:  We had originally penned “If, in life, spring comes again” but have now decided for “If spring in life arrives again”.

*Line 2 古舊的凝水(冰) 都嘩嘩地解凍:  We have interpreted the line to say “The old/stale frozen/stagnant waters (also means streams) would thaw to become running streams”. This is based on my preference for凝水 or 凝結了的水 “the coalesced or solidified water (of the waters or streams)” rather than 凝冰 or 凝…冰 “the coalesced or solidified ice” which is a superfluity.  We have used “thaw” to literally translate 解凍 and a repetition of “thaw” to translate the onomatopoeic 嘩嘩.  We have added “into streams” at the end to complete the meaning of the line and to create a rhyme word for “dreams” in line 4.

*Line 3 那時我會再看見燦爛的微笑:  We have rendered 燦爛的微笑 as “the beaming smiles” rather than “your beaming smiles”.

*Line 4 再聽見明朗的呼喚----這些迢遙的夢:  We have rendered 明朗的呼喚 as “the clear, cheery calls” rather than “your clear…”, and have used a repetition of “distant” to translate the rhyming 迢遙, both words meaning “distant”.

*Line 5 這些好東西都决不會消失:  We have rendered 好 “good” as 美好, hence, our “bright and beautiful”.  東西 “east, west” is colloquial for “things” and is rendered as such.  都决不會消失 is rendered as “surely could never be gone”.

*Line 6 因為一切好東西都永遠存在:  We have, after “do forever exist”, added “survive” so as to create an “-ive” sound to rhyme with “thrive” in line 8.

*Line 7 它們只是像水一樣凝結:  We have added “turned ice” to make clear the meaning of 凝結 “coalesced or solidified”.  We had considered the rather literal “They are just like water frozen into ice”, but have now decided to rephrase the line as “They are, like water turned ice, just frozen” with the word “just” moved from “just like” (a simple simile) to “just frozen” to bring out the implicit meaning of “not dead”.

*Line 8 而有一天會像花一樣重開:  We have rendered 花 “flowers” as “flowering trees” to pave the way for our adding, at the end, the word “thrive” to complete the rhyme.